About Calibration, Part 1
We all notice patterns in human behavior. When the boss walks into the room Bob starts working. Whenever money is mentioned everyone goes quiet. Kate takes a deep breath before she makes important announcements.
In NLP, noticing patterns of behavior is called calibration, defined by Joseph O'Connor and Ian McDermott as 'Correlating signs you can see and hear with the other person's state'. It's the process of using sensory acuity to pay precise attention to changes in another person's state by detecting patterns in the nuances of their behavior - the way they breathe, their voice tone or volume, skin color, micro muscle movement, posture and gestures.
You can forget the 'one-size-fits-all' approach to body language taken by most books on the subject, in which looking away always means you're avoiding the issue. NLP doesn't see things like that at all. Although there are similarities between us, we are each unique individuals with our own pattern of responses. And calibration is the process of identifying the behavioral cues that go with or before a particular state - 'x' always accompanies or precedes 'y'.
The more well developed our calibration skills, the more connections we pick up. This doesn't mean guessing, it's essential you work from sensory specific evidence. If, for instance, you observe on several occasions that someone frowns and narrows their eyes when they don't agree with something, the next time they do those things, even if they don't say anything, you may be able to conclude they disagree.
How to calibrate
The good news is that we all have calibration skills that we use naturally on a daily basis. The bad news is that most of the time they operate outside of conscious awareness. We intuitively read other people's responses and then adjust our own behavior. As with any skill the more you practice the easier it gets and the more proficient you become. Here are some of the things you might like to attend to when developing your calibration skills.
Posture: How does the person sit or stand when they're alert, relaxed, happy, sad, fearful, joyful, etc?
Gestures and other body movements: What unconscious movements do others make? Do they tap their fingers on a desk? Do they 'jiggle' their foot as they speak? What gestures do they make with their hands?
Breathing: Where do people breathe? Is it in the upper, middle or lower chest/abdomen? And how does that change according to what they're doing or their state or emotion?
Voice: How and when do people's voices vary in terms of tone, volume, pitch, tempo, rhythm and quality?
Skin tone: The color of human faces can vary to a surprising degree, normally in line with emotional shifts. Blushing is one of the most obvious, and extreme, examples. When blood pressure goes up even slightly there are resulting changes in skin color. What patterns can you detect?
Facial expressions: There are thousands of configurations of facial movements and it can be surprisingly easy to become aware of many of them once you start paying close attention. Notice in particular 'micro expressions' that come and go quickly, or movements of tiny muscles around the eyes and mouth. How do these changes relate to the person's state?
One way to develop your ability to calibrate is to ask a friend to recall a happy memory and then one where they were disappointed or upset. Observe the differences in their facial expressions, eye movements, etc. You should be able to identify clear differences between the two. Then ask your friend to think of another happy or disappointing memory without telling you which one they're thinking about. You'll be able to tell which pattern you're observing.