About Beliefs, Part 1
Beliefs and values are not fixed. We often act as if they are facts when in reality they are only our perceptions. They may guide our thinking and our behavior, and we may hold on to some of them for long periods, but they can and do change naturally over time. When you were five, for example, you probably thought Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny were real.
Exercise: Think of three things you used to believe and don't now. What happened to change your mind?
Limiting beliefs
Beliefs can be positive driving forces in people's lives but they can also be disempowering and limiting. When Emma started to learn to play the piano she found she couldn't play a tune fluently straight away and became disheartened. She began to think of it as difficult and told other people she would never be able to play well. Not long after she gave up.
Many of us had the experience at school of being told by a teacher that we couldn't draw, sing, dance or whatever. We believed them, and stopped trying. Yet a moment's reflection will reveal those beliefs to be untrue. We can all draw, sing and dance to a degree, though admittedly not as well as Michelangelo, Pavarotti and Nureyev. 'People can, and do,' observes L. Michael Hall, 'believe all kinds of utterly idiotic things.'
One of the reasons that we don't realize our beliefs are illogical is that they're largely self-fulfilling. When you believe something, you act in a way that validates it. That's true whether it's a positive or negative belief. The life we create and the experiences we have are determined to a significant degree by what we believe. When we believe we can't do something, our behavior will be such that we 'fail', perhaps by not trying hard enough or by sabotaging ourselves in some way.
Existing beliefs can also prevent us considering evidence that would contradict them. Someone who believes they're unattractive, for instance, might discount a compliment - you look fantastic! - on the basis that the person was trying to flatter them for some reason and was insincere.
Many limiting beliefs originate from a vacuum at the capability level, in other words people don't know how to do something. If they do learn how, their beliefs often change spontaneously. If, after a few goes, people continue to struggle to grasp how to do something it's easy for them to slip into believing it's not possible. What they say to themselves and other people reinforces this. Limiting beliefs hold people back or prevent them from doing things.
In their research into beliefs, Dilts and DeLozier discovered there are three main ways that people limit themselves: if any of the three apply, it may be difficult to change a limiting belief.
Hopelessness is when we don't believe it's possible to achieve something - there is no hope.
Helplessness is when we believe something's possible but we don't believe we are personally capable of doing it.
Worthlessness is when we don't believe we deserve to attain something - we're not worthy of it.