A Few Meta Programs, Part 3
Self or 'other
Dan and Harry couldn't be more different. When you walk in the office where they both work Dan immediately looks up and makes eye contact, smiles and gives his full attention to whoever is speaking. Harry appears self-absorbed and only seems to be interested in things that affect him. He speaks when he's spoken to and doesn't join in with the office banter. Harry rarely offers to give other people a hand when they're busy whereas Dan will drop all of his own work to help out.
Understanding self and other
The 'self and 'other' patterns reflect how much we instinctively notice and respond to other people. When it comes to recruiting people for a job this is valuable information to have especially if the role involves dealing with customers. People with a self pattern respond to others on the basis of what they have to say and don't appear to be aware of non-verbal communication. This makes it difficult for them to build and maintain rapport. They can appear self-absorbed and sometimes find it difficult to maintain eye contact. If you drop something they're unlikely to bend down and pick it up for you. Rodger Bailey's research suggests that in a work context only 7 per cent of people have a self pattern with the remaining 93 per cent being 'others'. Someone with an other pattern will be aware of the behaviors and reactions of those around them. They quickly recognize changes in other people's facial expressions or body language. They seem naturally to relate well to other people.
Communicating with people who have a self or other pattern
When you come across someone with a self pattern the best way to communicate with them is to concentrate on the content of what you want to say. And with those having an other pattern, all you really need is to be able to build and maintain rapport well. You'll find communication comes easily with people who operate an 'other' pattern.