A Few Meta Programs, Part 6
'Matching' and 'mismatching'
Picture the scene. Wendy, Simon and Holly are at a meeting to discuss next year's budget proposals. Wendy has just presented her case for extra funds to the other two. Holly acknowledges the points Wendy has made and goes on to reinforce her case by giving further reasons why it would be a good idea. Holly has a reputation for seeing the best in people and has lots of friends in the office. Simon steps in and points out two or three disadvantages. He rarely agrees with anyone on the team, which doesn't make him as popular. One view of this might be that Simon rained on Wendy's parade and another that he could have saved the company from making an expensive mistake.
Understanding matching and mismatching patterns
People have two ways of understanding external information. We either notice how things are different or how they are the same. Sorting for similarities between things is called Matching; sorting for differences is known as mismatching.
When people match they listen for things they have experience of and make a connection between what they hear someone saying and what they know. They focus on what works and what has been achieved. They tend to be good at building rapport with others. They can be good mediators who are able to bring about consensus between people. When taken to the extreme, matching behavior can appear insincere.
When people mismatch they look for what seems to be missing or the flaw in what other people have to say. Mismatching can give the impression of criticism, which means it can be more difficult for them to build rapport with others, unless of course the other person is a mismatcher too. Because mismatching concentrates on things that may not work they're often good at encouraging new ways of thinking. They challenge the status quo.
Communicating with people who have a matching or mismatching pattern
When you come across people with a matching pattern, emphasize commonality and sameness for effective communication. To communicate well with someone who mismatches, emphasize what is different or doesn't fit. If you present an idea to a Mismatcher be prepared for them to find at least one flaw in it.